It's 2012 and the year of the water dragon. A 12 year cycle has come and gone. It seems like not long ago I was celebrating my 30th birthday and spending time with friendly acquaintances - in addition to rekindling a relationship with an old flame.Things were looking up and like this year, it too was a year of the dragon. I hadn't been this content with life in awhile. I had a full time job, buds,and a girlfriend I cared deeply for. It wasn't perfect but what is?
As with the course of time - things change. I still have the buds but we're not as close as we once were. As for the girlfriend - it's history. It was fun but we both knew it wouldn't last. She helped me become more emotionally honest with myself (and others) as well as sparked my interest in astrology. Need I say that she was born in a year of the dragon?
I have no idea what this year has in store for me. I'm trying to eat healthier and get more active. I hope I follow through. There's places I'd like to go and things to do. Whether that actually happens or not is largely dependent on doing what needs to be done. I'm currently finishing up my reading. I really feel this is an important year and a mild (but calm) sense of urgency seems to be my motivating factor.
As with the course of time - things change. I still have the buds but we're not as close as we once were. As for the girlfriend - it's history. It was fun but we both knew it wouldn't last. She helped me become more emotionally honest with myself (and others) as well as sparked my interest in astrology. Need I say that she was born in a year of the dragon?
I have no idea what this year has in store for me. I'm trying to eat healthier and get more active. I hope I follow through. There's places I'd like to go and things to do. Whether that actually happens or not is largely dependent on doing what needs to be done. I'm currently finishing up my reading. I really feel this is an important year and a mild (but calm) sense of urgency seems to be my motivating factor.
I can honestly say that I've never fit in with mainstream society. Having a family and being in a romantic relationship with the "ideal" woman isn't for me. It doesn't help that society is depraved and the economic infrastructure is broken. All the same - I'm a confirmed bachelor and now that I'm in my 40s people can see it and accept me for it. It no longer seems like some form of pity party or self loathing.
I see couples with their kids and their amazing careers and it just doesn't appeal to me. I don't see this as the ultimate human experience. It seems so primitive. So ...... low frequency. Thank goodness most people don't view it as I do or our species would be going extinct right now.
Life is short. Not everyone fits neatly into some mold and the longer a person tries to convince himself otherwise the less time he has to just get out there and live the life he was meant to live. That's not to say that anyone can be a doctor, or an engineer, or have some other high powered and high paying job but to stay put some place just because of some undue sense of loyalty or fear of change is self stifling and you'd have only yourself to blame.
Be free. Be free like a bumble bee or a bird flying high in the wild
blue yonder. Think they're worried about paying the mortgage on time
every month? Or holding down some mind numbing job? Feel you have to
have that 50 inch flat screen plasma t.v.? Really need that gas guzzling
sports utility vehicle? What's up with trying to keep up with the
Joneses anyhow? What's the point? Do you really think they give a damn
about you either way? Is your sense of self worth really dependent on
others' opinion of you?
Nope. It's not for me and I'm not afraid to say it either. This is
potentially my year to get my act together and that's what I plan to do.
I might be a looser in the eyes of the average lemming out here but so
be it. My path differs and where it leads is the goal but it's the journey I'm most looking forward to.
Are you planning on doing some rock bottom traveling any time soon? You sound like you might be getting prepared for something. Remember back in your younger years? Traveling all across the southwest? That was fun. You've never fit in with mainstream society that's true. That's cool. It sucks anyhow.
ReplyDeleteBen, if you're gonna travel you should hook up with Suelo for a few days. I bet that guy has some pretty wild tales to tell.
ReplyDeleteWhy do I get the feeling the two of you are pushing me to uproot where I am and start living as a wild man free of all responsibilities and attachments? lol If I do wind up traveling it'll be out west some place. Only problem is if I do it I probably couldn't come back if I wanted to. That might sound adventurous to some but the idea of being out in the elements alone with no where to go and no one to turn to is quite scary. It's something you'd have to experience to really get a feel of it. Then again ..... some people are cool with it. How unattached to security and one's comfort zone does a person have to be to really appreciate the "freedom".
ReplyDeleteI'm not pushing you into anything. It sounds like you're hankering for a vacation though. As far as backpacking all over the country; I couldn't do it. I freely admit it. I like having a shower regularly and a comfortable place to lay my head every night. I drink my lattes at Starbucks and I don't tend to skip a meal either. Why should I? If that makes me a shallow person then oh well. I don't think humanity is meant to live like wild animals.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this is what you're inferring Ben but if it is then it sounds like you're at a crossroads and trying to figure out what you want to do with the remainder of your life. Then again I might be reading into it a bit much. You're my friend and I just want you to be happy. Maybe you are. Just saying.
I met Ben at the tale end of the 80s. We were both staying at a not so desirable place but we did what we thought we had to do. Looking back it wasn't so bad but it wasn't so good either. That place was the job corps. I doubt Ben and I learned anything other than some harsh truths that most of society ignores as they've been conditioned to. We both had a lot of our preconceived ideas ripped open and it wasn't a very pleasant experience either. Not for me anyhow.
ReplyDeleteI remember those when we up and left that place one morning and wound up on the streets of San Marcos and ultimately Austin. We never should've taken all our possessions with us. A simple backpack and some basic items might've made a world of difference. All the same after three days of going without food I finally had to use my 5 finger discount to Ben and I some food. He was so uptight about doing what you have to do to survive back then. It probably came from his middle class background. It's okay. We live and we learn. Ben has changed some over the years. Who hasn't? Over all he's a great guy and I'm proud to call him my friend.
Wow! I hope you guys don't think I'm experiencing some deep depression. lol. I'm fine. I'm glad to have y'all in my life. True friendship is rare nowadays and when such people come into your life it's a real treasure. Thank you guys.
ReplyDeleteStill coming over for game nite this Friday? We haven't played uno or checkers in awhile. It'll be fun. I'll make sure to have a few jugs of red wine to spice up the occasion. My boyfriend's cousin is in town so that might be fun. She's a hoot. You'd like Tracie. The usual crowd will be here.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't miss it. Thanks for the invite Rachelle. As usual it'll be blast.
ReplyDeleteI like your blog Ben. This is cool.
ReplyDeleteThanks Angie.
ReplyDeleteBen your an awesome guy! I love the blog.
ReplyDeleteThanks C.J. You seem like a nifty guy yourself. I like your blog by the way. You're a good writer. Keep it up.
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